To [drafting] Infinity and Beyond…..

One of the things I struggle with as a writer (and by that I mean someone who has to write something from time to time, as opposed to some pompous claim about my artistic credentials) is self-doubt.  That sentence almost seems ironic.  Do I negate the irony by ignoring it or by highlighting it?  Er….where was I??

Anyway, I often find that, when writing assignments, I tend to get very bogged down.  I think this is partly down to something I may have referred to before, my own personal anxiety about being ‘found out’.  Exposed as a fraud.  That people will discover that I am just a kid from a state comprehensive who got lucky and bluffed his way to university.  Maybe it’s down to my working class roots, who knows?  Now I am pretty sure I have written something like this before.  Please don’t search my blog to laugh at me.

Whatever the root cause, it is a bit of a drag.  It takes me forever to decide if my written work is in any way complete.  So much so, that I can draft and re-draft until the cows come home.  I am currently in the process of working through my fourth draft of an assignment on Marketing Services.  This module is equal to the value of a princely 10 credits.  Yep, half as much as other modules.  And yet I still insist on tinkering around the edges.  I know it seems ridiculous but I tinker away regardless.  I’m not quite sure why I think this would help.  I’m pretty sure that I am not going to gain a whole batch of marks for just simply re-arranging the order of the text….or substituting a couple of words for one alternative.  It’s not as if someone is going to give an assignment a distinction for replacing the words ‘as a result’ with ‘therefore’.  Or maybe they will.  Maybe if I had changed them over I would have got 70% instead of 65%……..

I know this tinkering is pointless but still I do it.  Even after all this time on the course, I still haven’t got to grips with the idea of drawing a line under an assignment and sending it off.  If I’m like this with a 10 credit module, how on earth will I cope with the dissertation?  I could be re-drafting for months!  I’ll be heading towards the ultimate deadline (that sounds like a show starring Ross Kemp…) and still be redrafting my survey/questionnaire/whatever the hell I am going to do for my dissertation.

I’m sure I am not alone in this.  In fact, that is the main reason I wrote this post in the first place: to reassure others that you are not alone.  Of course, I could be wrong and it is just me that suffers from this.  In which case, may I apologise now for wasting your time reading a tedious post about my writing process.  Just think of the things you could have achieved instead of reading this.  You could have tinkered some more with your assignment….changed a ‘but’ to a ‘however’.  And instead of writing this, I could have finished off that fifth draft……

In the meantime, I’ll try to come up with a blog post a little less self-indulgent.  Maybe I could talk about the project I have been involved with.  Hmm, I haven’t done that yet have I?  Well, I’ll leave that for another blog post.  Although, if you are intrigued visit here and here.  I’ll tell you more about it at a later date.  Yeah, I know it’s a cheap attempt to keep your interest in this blog, but I’m not afraid to cheapen myself for spurious reasons.  Er..on that note…..

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4 thoughts on “To [drafting] Infinity and Beyond…..

  1. Bless you, ij, more working class kids from state comprehensives made it to university (and beyond) than you! And how is it exactly that you can be this chary over a marketing report when you make free with so many of your thoughts and opinions in such a public space as the Internet? A quick perusal of the Moodle forum for any of the modules should reassure you that being bogged down in an assignment is par for the course. My advice: relax and enjoy your problem. Remember, learning is fun…and lifelong!

      • Did you use an online dictionary or one that you dragged off a shelf? If it was the latter did you get covered in dust? That happened to me once in a library…I’m joking, don’t start a campaign against me. Remember, I’m a force for good in the world and I read a forum thread about ebooks earlier so I know all about Luddites now (apparently they’re the ones who prefer paper). 😉

    • I know others have as well, but I just always have this thing that I shouldn’t be here. It’s weird but there you go 🙂 I will, as always, take heed of your advice. 🙂

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