One of the things I struggle with as a writer (and by that I mean someone who has to write something from time to time, as opposed to some pompous claim about my artistic credentials) is self-doubt. That sentence almost seems ironic. Do I negate the irony by ignoring it or by highlighting it? Er….where was I??
Anyway, I often find that, when writing assignments, I tend to get very bogged down. I think this is partly down to something I may have referred to before, my own personal anxiety about being ‘found out’. Exposed as a fraud. That people will discover that I am just a kid from a state comprehensive who got lucky and bluffed his way to university. Maybe it’s down to my working class roots, who knows? Now I am pretty sure I have written something like this before. Please don’t search my blog to laugh at me.
Whatever the root cause, it is a bit of a drag. It takes me forever to decide if my written work is in any way complete. So much so, that I can draft and re-draft until the cows come home. I am currently in the process of working through my fourth draft of an assignment on Marketing Services. This module is equal to the value of a princely 10 credits. Yep, half as much as other modules. And yet I still insist on tinkering around the edges. I know it seems ridiculous but I tinker away regardless. I’m not quite sure why I think this would help. I’m pretty sure that I am not going to gain a whole batch of marks for just simply re-arranging the order of the text….or substituting a couple of words for one alternative. It’s not as if someone is going to give an assignment a distinction for replacing the words ‘as a result’ with ‘therefore’. Or maybe they will. Maybe if I had changed them over I would have got 70% instead of 65%……..
I know this tinkering is pointless but still I do it. Even after all this time on the course, I still haven’t got to grips with the idea of drawing a line under an assignment and sending it off. If I’m like this with a 10 credit module, how on earth will I cope with the dissertation? I could be re-drafting for months! I’ll be heading towards the ultimate deadline (that sounds like a show starring Ross Kemp…) and still be redrafting my survey/questionnaire/whatever the hell I am going to do for my dissertation.
I’m sure I am not alone in this. In fact, that is the main reason I wrote this post in the first place: to reassure others that you are not alone. Of course, I could be wrong and it is just me that suffers from this. In which case, may I apologise now for wasting your time reading a tedious post about my writing process. Just think of the things you could have achieved instead of reading this. You could have tinkered some more with your assignment….changed a ‘but’ to a ‘however’. And instead of writing this, I could have finished off that fifth draft……
In the meantime, I’ll try to come up with a blog post a little less self-indulgent. Maybe I could talk about the project I have been involved with. Hmm, I haven’t done that yet have I? Well, I’ll leave that for another blog post. Although, if you are intrigued visit here and here. I’ll tell you more about it at a later date. Yeah, I know it’s a cheap attempt to keep your interest in this blog, but I’m not afraid to cheapen myself for spurious reasons. Er..on that note…..